When it feels like you’ve failed — maybe you’re just on the edge of a new life.
This post isn’t about selling. It’s about breathing.

Since 2020, I’ve been living in a strange kind of silence.
Like the world went quiet.
A pandemic. Loneliness. Crumbling foundations. Sanctions, loss, fear.
People who once felt like home — suddenly became strangers.
And then… just me.

I chose the path of stock photography.
With no support. No guarantees.
Just a fragile hope that if I poured my soul into my work — someone, somewhere would feel it.
For three years, I uploaded. Every day. No weekends. With meaning. With light.
And you know what?
It brought almost no money.
But it gave me a way to stay sane.
Because in those photos and videos — I was there. The real me.

But today...
Today I stand at a crossroads.
Do I keep putting my soul into stock content — to speak to people of this world through images and video, gifting pieces of myself?
Or do I shut it all down…
Walk into an office.
Stability. A paycheck.
And become just another cog in someone else’s system — selling off my soul in exchange for security.

I don’t know the answer.
But I do know this — I’m not alone.
There’s you.
There are other creators.
People who still believe that art isn’t a business plan — it’s a soul’s exhale.

This post isn’t about stock photography. It’s not about success.
It’s about faith — the kind that aches.
It’s about surviving without turning to stone.
It’s about staying yourself — even when the world whispers, “you don’t matter.”

And yesterday…
I sold my friend.
My Fuji camera.
I sold it to pay rent.
When I handed it over and walked away, tears ran down my face like I had just sold my dream.
It felt like betrayal — like I’d turned my back on everything I believed in.

The photo attached to this post shows a fly.
A fly that fought so hard to break through the glass to freedom —
and got stuck there forever.

You’re not alone.

With all my heart,
Julia

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My Dear Diary — May 28, 2025

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